


STAY TONIGHT

by nekonyoung



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Canon Compliant, M/M, Mentions of Osamu and Mama Miya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25895905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekonyoung/pseuds/nekonyoung
Summary: Miya Atsumu is about to leave, and Kita Shinsuke wishes tomorrow never comes. But they both made the promise and now they're time together comes to a close.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	STAY TONIGHT

**Author's Note:**

> Song that inspired this fic is "Stay" by Sara Bareilles
> 
> Also, please note that the typical "accent"(?) Inarizaki characters usually have in fics and in canon content isn't really used here. I don't want to butcher accents and use slangs I'm not familiar with since well, english isn't really my first language lol. But I do hope you guys enjoy this.

_**STAY TONIGHT** _

Kita Shinsuke isn’t really used to crowds and loud music and endless drinking, but for the sake of one Miya Atsumu, he’s willing to go through anything. That’s exactly the reason why he lets several bodies, both familiar and not, bump into him from all different directions while Lil Jon blasts in the background screaming to bend over and something about knees touching elbows watching people spill drinks on the floor he just mopped this morning. He felt a migraine coming while all sorts of conversation and laughter passes through his ears and he just wants to lay down on the bed and sleep. But sleep means morning will come and Atsumu will board that plane to a faraway place and they’ll probably won’t see each other ever again, Shinsuke doesn’t like that idea at all.

Tonight is the last night Atsumu will be spending on the land they both grew up in. Tomorrow, he’ll fly off abroad to chase his dreams of furthering his career in the volleyball scene. Tomorrow, the promise they made 7 years ago becomes reality and Shinsuke isn’t really sure if he’s ready to let that happen just yet.

_On the day of Shinsuke’s high school graduation, Atsumu asks to meet him behind the school’s gym with fists buried on his pockets and cheeks colored a pretty shade of red that reminds him of tomatoes. They were quiet for a few moments and Shinsuke smiles brightly at him, congratulating him of finally becoming their team’s captain. Atsumu looked insanely jovial when the announcement was made and promises Shinsuke to take good care of the volleyball club from then on. Of course, he trusts Atsumu with the task, his endless passion of the game was and still is infectious. But that wasn’t the reason why he was called out though, and Atsumu made that clear when he starts kicking of invisible dirt from below his feet. “Kita-san, please go out with me.” He mumbles, but the silence in their surroundings made it easier for Shinsuke to hear everything. It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t surprised by this proposition. He had always thought Atsumu reserves a certain fear towards him and judging by the way he had handled the team; it was safe to say he had expected it. But to learn the Miya Atsumu harbors such feelings towards him is both surprising and flattering at the same time (Atsumu is actually attractive, and despite having tendencies of being a jerk especially towards volleyball, he’s very likeable and nice and respectful towards people). Shinsuke never really thought about Atsumu romantically, but there was something about how the sun hits his bright red cheeks just right and the way his eyes gleamed as he looks at something other than Shinsuke’s face made him say yes. And with the way Atsumu’s face brightens even more after that made Shinsuke’s heart, for the first time ever, skip a beat._

“Shin-san.” Atsumu mutters despite the blaring music in the background, his hand snaked around Shinsuke’s arm immediately snapping him away from his daydream. He turns and was met with the younger man’s face that was illuminated by different colored lights and in Shinsuke’s eyes, he’s become much more handsome as years gone by. He had never once regretted the day he agreed to date this ethereal being in front of him (don’t tell him that because Atsumu often pouts whenever Shinsuke compliments the other’s face because from his words: “Shin-san is THE MOST beautiful person to ever exist! Hmpf!”) “Wanna go outside? Just the two of us?” Atsumu beams, already pulling Shinsuke’s arm to the direction of their home’s backyard.

Fairy lights illuminate the backyard, something Shinsuke doesn’t remember putting this afternoon in preparation of the party, rose petals scattered across the ground leading the way towards a red Nordic loveseat they usually keep inside their room, wine and 2 glasses rest at a table on the right side. It faces the expanse of the dark night field only lit by the full moonlight. Atsumu had always made ridiculous efforts whenever their celebrating an event or two together and Shinsuke thinks this might have taken the cake from the 7 years they’ve been together. Atsumu kisses him on the cheeks and walks past him, looking expectantly when he stops just behind the loveseat. “Come here, my love.” He says. The loud music disappears in the background and everything and everyone disappears. It was just them two, stargazing and drinking wine sharing a familiar silence Atsumu eventually learned to appreciate.

_“You’ll eventually leave, yes?” Shinsuke had asked during one of their dinner dates, approximately 3 months since they started dating. Shinsuke is well-aware that he should’ve tackled the topic earlier on but for some reason, he always ends up hesitating to bring it up. But tonight is different, Shinsuke let the words slip even before he could think about what it is and what it would mean once the topic is out there. Around this time, Shinsuke has already accepted the fact that Atsumu will always be revolving around his orbit, a constant existence that have made the space beside him his home. Though he’s still unsure if his feelings would be considered love, but he’s pretty sure he’s always been affectionate (by Shinsuke’s standards) towards this particular Miya twin. Atsumu on the other hand, was mid putting the food on his mouth when the unexpected question pops up. He stops completely, puts his chopsticks down, and stares at him. This prompted Shinsuke to ask again, “You’ll leave, the country I mean. That was your original plan, yes? You’ve talked to me about it before though I’m still not sure when this will be.” Realization finally hits Atsumu as if all this time, it completely slips his mind and was actually just living in the moment. “We don’t need memories”, the words in their team banner rings in Shinsuke’s ears for a moment and was back at the sight of Atsumu quietly contemplating the question. “Atsumu, I don’t want you sacrificing your dreams to stay with me. I’ll be here and just do what you need to do, okay?” Atsumu hesitantly nods. The rest of the date was spent in silence far different from the ones Shinsuke usually enjoys._

_Their first fight happened on the night of their first anniversary. Atsumu’s high school graduation was also drawing closer and they spent their afternoon in Shinsuke’s home cuddling in a futon. It was an odd sensation, to feel someone so close that you could hear their heart beating steadily. As the younger boy’s graduation looms over their heads, the question he had asked some months ago, started echoing in Shinsuke’s ears and even in his sleep, it was there, like a ghost that won’t leave him alone. In the silence that they’re sharing right now, Atsumu seems to be at peace. Meanwhile, Shinsuke harbored uncertainties he’s not really used to having. He looks at Atsumu’s face, his eyes closed in relaxation, he’s not really asleep Shinsuke guesses. He studies the boy’s features and tries memorizing them even though he’s already had a bunch of times. “What are you looking at, Shin-san?” Atsumu sighs and even as he speaks, he doesn’t open his eyes. Shin-san was a nickname Atsumu made a few months ago when Shinsuke said it was okay to use his first name. “It’s weird to hear you call me Kita-san when we’re already dating for this long.” He had said, and with the need to be different from the people close enough to call him by his first name, Atsumu decided to call him Shin-san._

_“Let’s break up, Atsumu.” Shinsuke mutters, still memorizing every line, every curve, and every edge of Atsumu’s face. The latter’s eyes shot open and almost instantly, hurt passes through his eyes, and then confusion. He sits up, still looking at Shinsuke and he could only look right back at the young man in front of him. “Was there something that I did, Shin-san?” The tears almost fell if only Shinsuke wasn’t quick enough to wipe it away from his fingers. There was a pang of pain in his chest when Atsumu closes his eyes and quietly sobbed and the tears kept pouring. In that moment, Shinsuke only realized that in the duration he’s dated Atsumu, he had also started falling deeply in love with the boy. When he made the proposition to break up with Atsumu earlier, he only thought it would make things easier if Atsumu found love that can reciprocate his own. Spending all this time loving Shinsuke who entered this relationship full of hesitance and only felt platonic things towards him wasn’t exactly something Atsumu deserves. But upon realizing that in the one year they’ve spent together, Shinsuke eventually learned how to love Atsumu and in the back of his mind, he wants to take the words back but he knows the future could hold something colder and unbearable for the both of them. So instead of taking the words back, Shinsuke sighs, “You were the perfect boyfriend, Atsumu, but we both know where we’re both headed and it’s not fair to keep this going.” Atsumu’s eyes met Shinsuke’s and they held each other there for much longer. Atsumu searches a hint of hesitance on his boyfriend, actually it could be anything that proves Atsumu that there’s still something worth holding on to. The younger boy shakes his head in denial, “You think breaking up right now is fair?” Shinsuke could only look away, a few seconds later, he could hear Atsumu standing up and walking away._

Shinsuke sighs as he looks up at the wide expanse of stars above them, his head resting on the crook of Atsumu’s neck, his boyfriend’s arm wrapped on his shoulders. “What are you thinking about, Shin-san?” Shinsuke places a palm on Atsumu’s chest, feeling for his heartbeat. It’s always been the thing that keeps him grounded and relaxed. This might also be the last time he’ll ever get to enjoy this, so he tries his best to stop the tears from falling as he listens and feels Atsumu’s heart. “I was thinking about the time we first broke up.” He could feel Atsumu’s touch tightening around his shoulders, he could feel his shaking breath as he places a chaste kiss on the top of his head, could feel his heart beating faster, and in that moment, Shinsuke lets the tears fall.

_It’s been approximately 5 weeks, 2 days, 18 hours, 24 minutes, and 3 seconds since Shinsuke last saw Atsumu. He found himself at the middle of the field he works in staring at the horizon. He doesn’t really understand why he feels the need to count the days and just guessed it was his own way of coping. In that last day, he realized maybe far too late, that his feelings were true. The pain he initially felt when he saw the tears streaming down Atsumu’s face grew as the minutes, the hours, and the days passed. He dedicated his time working, hoping that he’ll eventually forget but in a day like today, Shinsuke caught himself staring at nothing again for the nth time that week. A few days ago, during Aran’s rare visits after further pursuing a career in volleyball in Tokyo, Shinsuke learned that Atsumu plans to follow which then took him back to the reason why he really wanted to break up with the younger boy. He admits to himself that this was a coward’s way of dealing with the problem but even though he wants to talk this out with Atsumu, he doesn’t really have the guts to move forward. So, he lives in the moment, not really looking back at the what ifs and the what-could-have-beens, just the today, this hour, this very minute. But he wasn’t really fond of the team banner, truth be told, he cherishes the memories he’s made and often catches himself thinking about the memories he’s about to make. Those memories, naturally, includes the ones he created with Atsumu, and painful as it was, he thanks him every night before he goes to bed._

_Shinsuke got home pretty late that day, the sky was painted a beautiful orange and purple hues that gives him this melancholic feeling. It painfully reminds him of the last day he spent with Atsumu, his silhouette painted in the same shade as the tears kept streaming down his face and often times Shinsuke mentally punishes himself for being the reason why the younger boy was making that face. Upon entering the house, he was greeted, as per usual, by his grandmother who had notified him that dinner is almost ready. Shinsuke smiles quietly and was about to make way to the bathroom for a quick bath when he was startled by footsteps approaching them. Not even a beat later, Atsumu appears from behind the kitchen door, a ladle in hand, and a huge grin on his face. The smile falls when his eyes landed on Shinsuke and they spent some time holding each other’s stare until Shinsuke’s grandmother snaps them out of their trance. Shinsuke excuses himself for the warm bath he needs from the long day he spent at work and at the back of his neck, he could feel Atsumu’s eyes burning holes in them._

_Their dinner was spent in silence. When Atsumu stands up to bid them goodbye, Shinsuke’s grandmother made it clear that they eventually need to talk things out and prepares tea for them. They both sat themselves by the porch on the side of the house, the night was quiet and so were they, watching the stars sparkle in the dark blue sky, the moon illuminates a light hue in their surroundings giving it a solemn color that matches the mood. No one speaks, until Shinsuke’s grandmother appears with a tray of freshly made tea to warm them on this cold night. Atsumu rushes in to help her and she later excuses herself. The silence returns and Shinsuke catches himself watching Atsumu from his peripheral, watching the dark horizon. Finally, Atsumu clears his throat and faces Shinsuke, “Shin-san, I’ll be leaving for Tokyo soon. I got a sports scholarship offer and I just…” the voice dies down when Shinsuke turns, eyes glossy from the tears that were threatening to fall, and he smiles in a way he thinks he can only do for now. “I’ll come visit.” Atsumu’s voice was quiet, and looks at Shinsuke’s hand that was resting at his side. “I realized; I really can’t let you go. Not now, at least, I still want…us…” he falters again, and Shinsuke reaches for his hand, “I feel the same, Atsumu.” They both sat in silence, just smiling at each other that night, agreeing to try again._

“I love you.” Atsumu sighs, willing his voice to express the clearness of his feelings. They’ve been together for 7 years, and as time passed them by, they’ve learned to say those three words through their actions, through a smile, through every kiss, through every touch, so much so that they often forget to actually say it. There really wasn’t any need to express it verbally though, they knew. When they both decided to try again, Atsumu made every effort he could possibly make to be there for Shinsuke. Every day off was spent coming home to him, every after practice was spent on video calls until one of them falls asleep and often on those times whenever Atsumu falls asleep first, Shinsuke makes sure to whisper an I love you to him before hanging up. The first few weeks was hell to them. Atsumu could barely find the time to send him a message but eventually, they developed a routine that to this day, they both follow. Physical distance was something they both learned how to cope with and since then, every time they do meet, everything just tasted sweeter, felt warmer, and both of them could feel that at this point, they couldn’t come back from. Yet there was still the fear of uncertainty. Atsumu had planned this since the very beginning, that he’ll eventually move overseas to train as a professional volleyball player. The plan was already laid out even before Shinsuke entered his life and with that looming on Shinsuke’s back, he forced Atsumu in an outrageous promise that became probably their most painful fight in the duration of their relationship.

_“Atsumu, please…” Shinsuke begged. As their third anniversary approaches, Shinsuke traveled to Tokyo to see Atsumu as a surprise. The first night was spent in a dark room, heavy breaths and sighs of each other’s names echo through all four corners of Atsumu’s dark apartment. They spent the rest cuddling, and Shinsuke studied the way Atsumu softly snores, the way his chest heaves softly, the way his nose scrunches and his eyebrows meet from maybe something in his dream, the way his face relaxes when Shinsuke touches Atsumu’s cheek in an attempt to scare the bad dream away and it works. With the moon illuminating Atsumu’s naked body, Shinsuke thinks that he’ll never be able to live through a life without Miya Atsumu and he breathes heavily knowing that soon that day will come. He slowly entangles himself from Atsumu and locks himself in the bathroom for a few minutes, crying in silence. That morning, Atsumu freed his schedule and was searching the internet for places where he and Shinsuke could visit when the latter suddenly proposes they break up the day Atsumu leaves. It took him a few seconds to process the whole thing. Evidently, and justifiably so, several emotions pass through Atsumu’s beautiful features. Surprise, confusion, sadness, and finally, anger. “Why do you keep doing this?” Atsumu wasn’t shouting, his voice cracks in pain and the tears fall again. Shinsuke gulps, he’s the reason why Atsumu’s hurting again but this time, he finally made that decision. “We’re not breaking up now, Atsumu. We should, though, when you leave.” Shinsuke’s voices was small, but there was a tone of determination that Atsumu couldn’t really understand, especially in this moment. “Yeah, but why?” Atsumu asks again, Shinsuke inhales a heavy breath, and finally, he speaks, “I don’t know what I would do when that time comes. I’ve been so scared this whole time and watching you sleep last night, that fear came again and I don’t want to feel that way, I’m scared.” “Yeah, but I’m here, remember? I’ll help you ease up your fears, I’ll stay if I have to.” With this, Shinsuke shakes his head in disagreement. “I told you, don’t sacrifice your dreams for me. I won’t let you.” “Then help me understand why we had to promise each other to break up when I leave.” Atsumu’s voice rises in frustration and Shinsuke understands. “I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t easily come to you like this.”_

“We’ve made the most out of the days, months, weeks, and years we have together.” Shinsuke says when the tears finally stopped falling. He could still feel Atsumu trembling so he rubs a thumb on his cheek to calm him, and looked at his eyes. “I love you so much.” Atsumu mumbles, lips quivering, willing the tears to stop falling and Shinsuke kisses the tears that fall from his cheek. “I don’t think I’ll be able to love anyone the way I love you, Miya Atsumu.” They’ve been unconsciously holding each other tightly, none of them want the sun to rise just yet, both wishing that tomorrow never comes. Atsumu softly kisses Shinsuke’s lips, warm and wet and a multitude of feelings poured in that one kiss and Shinsuke felt it all, allowing hot tears to fall on his own cheeks. On the next kiss, Shinsuke presses his lips a little to hard, shuts his eyes a little too tight, and in his mind pretends that this isn’t the last night they’ll be spending together. But when he opened them and see the pained expression on Atsumu’s face, reality sets in and Shinsuke leans his forehead on the other’s and just held each other in silence. Even as the guests began to leave, they held each other close, not even allowing themselves a little space for Atsumu to bid them all farewell properly. Pretty soon, Atsumu falls asleep on Shinsuke’s shoulder and the latter didn’t attempt to pull away, even as Osamu comes to them with a comforter in hand. He stood there beside them as the stars slowly and visibly rotate to make way for the sun to rise. “I don’t know why you both are doing this.” Osamu sighs wearily, eyeing the two of them. Shinsuke smiles, “I don’t want to tie him down like this. I’ll constantly feel uncertain and afraid and things I wasn’t when you both first met me. I don’t ever want to distract him from his goals.” Osamu hums, and crosses his arms, “I don’t think he’ll ever stop loving you though.” Shinsuke chuckles, he knew that for a fact but he also knew there’s always uncertainty in the future. Pretty soon, Atsumu will start falling in love again, and soon, Shinsuke will also stop loving Atsumu. And when that time comes, they’ll both find peace and once they’re wrinkly and old, they’ll both be able to smile and say that they’ve lived a really good life. It’s also possible that when that time comes and they’re still in love with each other, Shinsuke will welcome Atsumu home and they’ll grow old together. But for now, he refuses to hold Atsumu back, especially when his fears looms over his head and the nights he’ll spend quietly crying in the bathroom will keep going. “We don’t need memories.” Shinsuke mutters under his breath and it was quiet enough for Osamu to hear. “But pretty soon, memories are all that’s left for me, and that’s okay. If in the future, he comes back to me, I’ll welcome him with open arms.”

Pretty soon, the orange hue of the sun starts illuminating the field in front of them. Osamu has long retired to his bed, and Shinsuke stayed, still holding Atsumu’s sleeping form close, the blanket wrapped them warmly. The scenery is beautiful, but his heart feels heavy. He hasn’t slept a wink and even when his arms started getting numb, he never made an attempt to move, just basking in the warmth of Atsumu’s body close to his own, he softly hums a song he’s heard in the radio a while ago, the lyrics echo in his mind, I don’t care for sunlight, it only means it’s over…

The sun has fully risen at this point, people around them start waking up and Shinsuke’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the ringing on Atsumu’s phone. A sign saying that they’re time is finally up, and in a few hours, all of this will be gone. Atsumu groans, eyes fluttering awake and he slowly sits up relieving Shinsuke’s numb arm, his eyes still never leaving Atsumu. The younger man sleepily rubs his eyes and yawns, opening them to look at the love of his life and smiles softly. There was sadness in it, Shinsuke notes, that oddly mirrors his own. Without a word, Atsumu leans in again for a kiss, deep and needy and Shinsuke almost gives in until Osamu clears his throat from the back and kicks them out so he can ‘start cleaning already’. A few hours have passed and Osamu is quietly driving them to the airport. He’s always been the quiet one between the twins, but this time, he’s even more quiet than the usual. He never made an attempt to tease Atsumu the whole morning which gave Atsumu the impression that Osamu might’ve also been dreading for this day to come.

With his luggage finally unloaded from the car, Osamu bit his lips while listing down the things Atsumu shouldn’t forget to do while he’s away. Their mom, smiling sadly just behind him and Atsumu listens to every word, his own lips quivering and eyes blinking furiously to stop the tears from coming. But they did, and now his cheeks are stained with tears and so is Osamu’s. “Come visit when you have time.” Osamu finally says, finally meeting his twin’s eyes and both finally bursting into ugly sobs and tight hugs. Their mom follows and she whispers for him to take care of himself and always call home, Atsumu then promises to visit during his break and buried his face on her shoulder. Their mom balls her fist onto Atsumu’s shirt and whispers “I’m so proud of you, my baby.” They both waved at him goodbye and Shinsuke follows Atsumu quietly towards the entrance of the airport. “They said all the things I wanted to say, so now, I don’t know what to tell you.” He forces a laugh and Atsumu mirrors it. “Are you sure that’s everything?” the younger man says, facing Shinsuke fully. “I won’t tell you I’ll be waiting if that’s what you mean.” Shinsuke says, mustering the warmest smile he could afford. “But if you come home, and you still want me, and if by then, I still want you, you know where to find me.” “Why do we have to do this?” “You know why.” Shinsuke, for the last time, cups Atsumu’s cheek and the man reciprocate by leaning towards it, eyes closing to savor every bit of it. “I love you so much.” They whisper in unison and they smile. Shinsuke, unable to stop his feelings from spilling anymore, leans over to kiss Atsumu. Just one last time, and after this, it’s all over. Atsumu smiles at him back and says, “I left you something. It’s on the bedside table. Promise you’ll read it okay?” Shinsuke nods and finally, he lets go.

On the bedside table, a small peach colored envelope leans unassumingly on a lamp, Atsumu’s messy handwriting sprawled on it: Kita Shinsuke. It reads as follows:

  
_**Dear Kita Shinsuke,** _

_**Some 8 or maybe 9 years ago, we met in our high school’s volleyball club. You were someone that was really hard to figure out. You were blunt, intimidating, an actual perfectionist. Osamu and I were actually scared of you. Especially when you became our captain. We were both stubborn then, okay I was specifically more stubborn than Osamu, but you get it right? You always did say that our brains were also carbon copies of each other anyway. That time when I got sick during practice and you forced me to rest up, and left that “care package” in the locker room telling me to get some rest was probably the day that I started liking you. Ever since then, I followed you, not only out of respect but also because of admiration.** _

_**On the day of your graduation, I called you out to the back of the gym and asked you out. You probably wouldn’t believe how scared I was then. Osamu actually spent the entire morning trying to calm me down. You can ask him about it just to prove it to you. He’ll most likely add some shit about me looking stupid or whatever and oddly, when it comes to you, it’s fine if you find out. I was scared then, my palms were literally sweating, when you paused after I asked you out. I couldn’t really tell what you were thinking. I was actually prepared to get rejected right then and there. I knew you only saw me as a little brother, or a friend, or a teammate. But when I realized that when you graduate, might be the last chance I could get with you, I just went for it. You know me, Shin-san, I go after what I want. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect that you would say yes that day and I promised, I will make you the happiest person alive.** _

_**On our first anniversary, you told me you wanted to break up. I was so devastated and hurt and confused, but after some time thinking, I realized, it might’ve been the same for you. You knew about my plans, you encouraged me to pursue them, you actually seemed more excited about it than me and for that, I thank you. When you broke up with me, I actually considered to not pursue my dream but then Osamu reminded me that it’s actually something you don’t want me to do. So when that offer from the Black Jackals came a couple of weeks later, I immediately said yes. Back then, I wanted to prove to you that we can make the distance work. Eventually, you gave us another shot and told me you’ve already fallen in love with me. That gave me the courage to move forward. I knew you were there and you assured me that you will always be there behind me.** _

_**The last 7 years wasn’t easy, at all, but we made it work and I was content. The day you made me promise you to break up when I leave was probably a wake up call for me. Knowing that our time was limited made me want to put more effort into our relationship. Obviously, I also made a conscious effort to improve myself with my career. If you’re wondering if I got tired keeping up with all of it, the answer is no. It’s cheesy and cliché but you were my inspiration through it all. I tried to improve myself knowing that you have my back and I don’t think I can ever thank you enough in this lifetime alone.** _

_**As I’m writing this, you’re helping my mom prepare the food for the guests coming. Tonight, will be our last night together. You probably already know this by now, but I prepared something special for just the two of us. I made sure my friends and family know about it so I hope no one ruined our moment.** _

_**When I decided to write you a letter, I was hoping that eventually I’ll be able to find the right words to express how much I love you. Right now, I’m still not sure. I’ve fallen harder and deeper in love with you through all the years we’ve been together. I didn’t think it was possible, to be honest, to be still in love after so many years. If during those years, your love isn’t as intense as mine, then I’m sorry. I’m still sorry if you feel just as intensely as I am actually. I’m sorry I have to leave, I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything to ease your fears, I’m sorry that breaking up was the only way to ensure we can live through the fear, I’m sorry if there are times when I wasn’t enough, I’m also sorry if it would take a long time to finally let you go. If I ever drunk text or call you from the moment you read this until whenever, I’m sorry for that.** _

_**I hope you’ll be able to live a full life, Shin-san. I hope that when the time comes, you’ll find the happiness that you deserve. I hope that eventually you’ll be able to find the person who will always be there for you, the person you can spend forever with. I won’t ask you to wait for me because I know you don’t really want that. But I wish you all the best. I love you so much and I can’t imagine myself falling in love this hard with someone else, but rest assured that I will try. But for now, I love you. There are no other words that can really express how I feel except I LOVE YOU. I’ll continue to love you until the day comes that I can’t love you anymore. Even when I’m far away, even when we don’t speak to each other, I hope you know I’ll still love you. Maybe in the next life, when we meet, we’ll finally be able together until the last moments of our lives. Until then…** _

_**I love you.** _

_**Goodbye.** _

_**Miya Atsumu** _

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter: @relifer_


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